Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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