Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Randomize
