i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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