Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
