Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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