Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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