sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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