So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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