My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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