at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
