My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Holy sore nipples Batman
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
