You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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