Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
lets start a swedish sibling band together
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
