we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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