its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
she told me i tasted like america
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
