If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Randomize
