Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
