it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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