Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Randomize
