Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
he quoted the bible to break up with me
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
