Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Randomize
