if only i could text you this smell
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
