I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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