eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
My dad just said "fuck circus"
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
