Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
