can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
