The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
