Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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