I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
