someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
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