Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
God, I missed his penis.
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