Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
