She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
