I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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