just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
