Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
