I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
