Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
