You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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