Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
