She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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