the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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