It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
