Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize