Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
We named our party play list daddy issues
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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