Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Randomize