too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
