Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
