at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
