So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
