Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize