But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
