We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
