Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
