fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
