don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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