you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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