maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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