Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
