I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
