She's JV to your varsity
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
