I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
