i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
