i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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