The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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