ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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