your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
