a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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