She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
