Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
