I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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