i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize
