Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
