I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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