i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize