he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
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