It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
