Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
