I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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