my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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