So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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