I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
You dont lie about slip and slides
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize