so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
