i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
