you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
