I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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