party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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