that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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