I could make wine with my vomit
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
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